I KISSED DATING GOODBYE

I kissed dating goodbye 

a new attitude towards romance and relationships
By Joshua Harris

First published in 1997 by Multnormah books

Reviewed in 2003

I kissed dating goodbye. I'm sure most of us would never pick up a book like this, kiss dating goodbye? I don't think so!

The pleasures of dating is not something we want to give up, and you definitely don’t want to be the girl/boy without a gift on Valentines Day

Joshua Harris divides this book into 4 parts

Part 1- Isn’t there a better way?

This part is about what love is really all about as a Christian and that dating is just used to fulfill our own selfish desires.

“Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has loved us”

He mentioned here that we should only enjoy intimacy as a reward for commitment.

He listed the 7 Habits of Highly Defective Dating and attitude changes to help you avoid it.

“Until you realize God’s gift of your singleness, you’ll probably miss out on the incredible opportunities it holds”

If we are truthful with ourselves, we are tired of giving out a piece of ourselves to every available guy or girl only for it to last a few weeks or months, or maybe a year. 

Deep down within us, we want something more than all the fun dates, gifts, and show off because our relationship lacks a basic ingredient - trust, we don't really trust that we will end up with the person.

I might not totally agree with everything in this book but I’ve heard a lot of people say if it ends in marriage fine and if it doesn’t it’s all good too.

As Christians, we shouldn’t live like that, we should be led by the Spirit(Romans 8:14). God is very much interested in who we end up getting married to.

Part 2- The Heart of the matter

Here we see that romance is only a small part of love and that love is /not/ beyond our control, we shouldn’t just fall in and out of love.

“The world takes us to a silver screen on which flickering images of passion and romance play, and as we watch, the world says, “This is love.” God takes us to the foot of a tree on which a naked and bloodied man hangs and says, “This is love.”

Part 3- Building a New Lifestyle

He shows us here how to really live for God, and how to spend our youthful days cultivating good friendships and gaining skills we need for marriage. 

“Attraction only grows into infatuation when we pamper it”

Part 4- Looking Ahead

He talks about biblical perspectives of marriage of which are how marriage depicts the supernatural union between Jesus and the church. He also mentioned that qualities like Character matter more than physical beauty which is what we should look out for in a partner and also build in ourselves.

We have to understand that love is not just attraction, you have to want to be with the person for who they are not what they are or what they give. True love is patient and doesn't jump into a relationship at the first spark that runs through our body.

In the words of the author 'A relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last' and trust me feelings are fickle. 

We have to understand that sex is not love and that true love waits till marriage for sex.

P. S Joshua Harris didn't quite pass on his thought in the best kind of way which led to some people making wrong decisions like getting married to the guy who they lost their virginity to even tho he's not good for them.
But beyond this let's see the heart and the message of the book. 
I'll be posting reviews of other books to balance this subject.